Back in June, you may recall we brought you something that was TWO THOUSAND years in the making: The JOEdecahedron, a totally official dupe of the ancient Roman dodecahedron. This mysterious metal doohickey has left historians forever stumped about exactly what the heck it is.
If you were lucky enough to snag one of these curious, quirky, hold-it-in-your-hand kind of puzzles, good for you. And if you were bold enough to participate in our JOEdecahedron Challenge, you’re one of the real ones.
If you missed it, this challenge was our invitation to Answers With Joe fans to do something — anything — with the JOEdecahedron and share it with the Laugh Smarter crew. Because who doesn't want to assign purpose and meaning to one of history’s greatest unsolved questions:
What in the actual heck were Roman dodecahedrons for?
And you guys showed up. We got theories that were smart, practical, crafty, cosmic — and, also one that said, “Eh, it’s a vape pen holder.” (Yes, that was an actual response.)
So, buckle up, because we’re diving into some of the wildest and most creative submissions, starting with our winner.
Condiment Catchall Gets Cosmic
For Eric T., the mysterious objet d'jour is obviously a condiment holder to contain all those packets of ketchup, mustard, and soy sauce that somehow get lost in the dark hole of the pantry — or the underground pit, in ancient Rome. Because obviously Caesar was like, “Veni, vidi, vici … but where’s the ketchup?”
But that’s not all. You didn’t actually think a Heinz holder would be enough for the esteemed bragging rights of this win, did you? The plot thickens as Eric takes us into full galaxy-brain mode.
He connected the condiment holder (ahem, dodecahedron) to a sacred calendar a la cosmic symbolism, Celtic tradition, and Roman astrology.
“The dodecahedron has 12 faces with five sides, and the whole shape adds up to 30 edges … the Celtic Coligny calendar system is a lunar-solar calendar with 12 lunar months, and an extra month added every 30 months to track the solar year, adding up to five-year cycles,” he said. “My vague intuition is that while the folk calendar in Celtic regions relied on memory and social work, a dodecahedron could easily be used as a slow-turning, status-y reminder of this calendar for the wealthier members of a rapidly changing Celtic society in contact with Rome.”
Talk about really diving into the problem set, here. Bravo.
Massages, Merlot, and Mythology
It wasn’t just Eric who impressed us with his theories, either. These JOEdecahedron curveballs made us laugh, scratch our heads, or want to read a whole novel about it:
Kevin S. channeled third-century spa vibes when he told us, “It’s a massage ball. Commoners can’t touch upper class, gross.”
Zero points for political correctness, but 10 out of 10 for an idea that rolls out all the pressure points in a way that hurts so good.
It’s five o'clock somewhere without the JOEdecahedron, according to Stephen T.
“It's a cork puller for different size corks — long before the corkscrew (which actually ruins the cork for reuse).”
Who needs a 21st-century wine opener anyway? Romans needed their wine — we buy it.
Maria A. has been calling the dodecahedron a “dewdhek”— because it means “twelve” in several Celtic languages. She features the dewdhek in her historical fantasy trilogy.
“The idea is that the dewdhek-aparthans are a part of an ancient technology which survived in the underground realms, but was lost on the surface,” she said. “The Romans collected them, but even they didn’t know what they were.”
Now that is some storytelling we can get behind.
Fashion Fad
Step aside, Labubu. The trendsetters of Rome were showing off their polished dodecahedrons at brunch long before the invasion of the Pop Mart elves, according to Dean J.
“Let's say its initial purpose was as a tool for manufacturing chainmail … Then, a wealthy merchant gifts it to his wife as something exotic he found in his travels. It's odd, pretty, and durable. She shows it to her friends. They all want one; it becomes a fad. It becomes such a valuable bauble that wealthy women want to be buried with them.”
Honestly, we can see it. “Oh, this? Just my chainmail-maker-slash-status-symbol.”
Roll the Dice
Another Stephen went full Vegas-on-the-Rhine with his theory — because, you know what they say: What happens on the Rhine…
Anyway, according to Stephen, Roman soldiers used dodecahedrons as a portable gambling device.
“You'd pick up various-sized stones, the smallest of which would fit through every hole — except the smallest — and the largest of which would only fit through the largest hole,” he said.
Toss the stones through the holes, and place your bets. Honestly, if Caesars Palace doesn’t add the JOEdecahedron to its casino floor by 2026, it’s a missed opportunity.
Vape Pen Friend
Carolyn H. decided the JOEdecahedron needed a makeover. She painted it royal purple and gold and then discovered it doubles as the world’s coolest vape holder.
Somewhere, a Roman soldier is shaking his head and muttering, “We used it for gambling, but whatever.”
Knitting, Chainmail, and Braids … Oh My!
Laura R. suggested the JOEdecahedron was either for cozying up by the fire or preparing for battle.
“I think the purpose was for knitting with wool to make glove fingers, which could be what the women were using it for,” she said. “Or it could have been with wire metal to make armor, which is what the soldiers were using it for.”
Forget French braids; we're here for the Roman braids.
“I've used my JOEdecahedron to easily weave a complex, seemingly useful, 10-strand braid (or plait),” said Paul B., who filmed himself using it to weave 10 strands together like it was no big deal. (It kinda was, though.)
Light It Up
The dodecahedron was clearly a light in the Roman dark skies — at least for Paul M. and Rich S.
“I assume the opposing holes are the same size — therefore, suggesting the candle passed through, held by two points,” Paul said. “Also, they’re often found with wax residue.”
“I believe these could be oil lamp stands, made to support the ubiquitous terracotta olive oil lamps used throughout Europe,” Rich said. “It was very common to make various designs of oil lamp stands for exactly this purpose.”
He actually dropped a YouTube video making the case for it. Raise the lamp, spread the light, save the table from scorch marks. Okay, we’re following.
Getting Cult-y
Jeff C. theorized the dodecahedrons were tied to a mystery cult, with each face representing a zodiac sign.
“The objects might have represented attainment of a certain level of initiation and could have served as a way for those initiates to recognize one another. The secrecy surrounding mystery cult rituals would explain why there are no written records about these objects. This theory also explains why the objects were important enough to be buried with people.”
Da Vinci Code mode activated.
So, Did YOU Solve It?
Short answer: no. Long answer: also no, but in the most entertaining way possible.
What we did learn is that the Joedecahedron could be:
-
A condiment holder AND a sacred calendar
-
A gambling game for Roman soldiers
-
A status-symbol bauble
-
A candlestick
-
A vape pen holder
-
A massage ball
-
A cork puller
-
A cult artifact
-
And possibly, just possibly … all of the above.
If these JOEdecahedron ideas tickled your fancy, stay tuned — Joe will be dropping a new video to talk about some of these winners.
Don’t Miss the Next Joe Scott YouTube Drop
The JOEdecahedron is just the beginning. The Answers With Joe merch drops continue to roll out, and each one brings something unexpected, clever, meme-worthy, and perhaps even a little mysterious to the Laugh Smarter Store.
Remember, for the hardcore Patreon crowd (you know you want to be one), you get first dibs on every drop. For the rest of the known universe, you have to wait a little longer for Laugh Smarter to fling open its digital doors to each new item.
Whether you want to confuse your dinner guests with mysterious artifacts or just flex your Joe Scott fan status, there’s always something new coming in the Answers With Joe merchandise store.
